Thanks For an Awesome Run of the Apocalypse of John!

We've closed our staged reading of,  "The Apocalypse of John", stay tuned for more information as we return to the writing table to originate whatever the comes next...

What would you do if you knew the world was ending tomorrow?

The Cast, Writers, and Production Team of the Apocalypse of John answer the question:

What would you do if you knew

 the world was ending tomorrow?

Kymm Walker- Actor playing Charlene

"If the world were ending tomorrow, I would get all my family, my closest friends and their families together and have a giant party. Drink tons and eat everything I'm too guilty to eat otherwise. Epicurean revelry!"

Ari Kessler- Writer, Composer, Pianist

"It would take a lot to convince me that the world is actually ending -- very little short of a visible fireball in the sky or a worrisome number of zombies at the door would do. But, if the evidence was right, then I suppose I would try to simultaneously indulge in all my favorite human experiences, which might be hard, depending on the type of apocalypse at hand. In no particular order of priority, then: I would eat an unhealthy amount of guacamole, break into the Steinway store on 57th street and pound on a really nice piano, ski, loot a liquor store for some good booze, swim in the ocean, enjoy quiet time with my family, watch football, stroll through an autumnal forest while pondering the inherent absurdity of human existence, have freaky sex (note: may be applied to all other activities, except the family thing), enjoy a great novel, and last but not least, play a last round of Scrabble -- I want to die with the taste of victory in my mouth. It would suck if I lost that last game."

Jason Vance- Actor playing Stinky Dan

"Proposition all attractive strangers."


Becca Worthington- Writer

"If the world was ending tomorrow, I would immediately head to Penn Station and hop an express train back to Virginia, because I’ll be danged if I’m ending my life in the North when I could be drinking mid-shelf whiskey in a bar with my sister and a bunch of men with handlebar moustaches and belt buckles with Eagles on them. Then I would find the nearest Southern-drawl cowboy and beg him to take me off-road mudding, where I would stand up and holler, white-knuckled in the bed of his pick-up truck, screaming until my throat hurt. And then I would head home, barefoot, in the early morning hours, take a vanilla bubble bath, and curl up between my parents on the living room couch, my father reading aloud from a book, my mother stroking my hair, my sister huddled under the throw-blankets with us, praying and hugging until our arms cramp."


Erin Salm- Actor playing Maggie Arofat-Goldstien

"I would have to serve both sides of myself as quickly as possible. If I'm honest, and I am, I would most likely want to quickly locate any significant other or if needed find an attractive man who would most likely be quite like minded in the end of the world "goal" and the expediency required so that we could make the most of our last day. Then I would hightail it back to my hometown, hitchhike if I had to, where my sisters and my brother-in-law (he's from Puerto Rico and I would imagine flights would be grounded, poor guy) would also gather. My father would grill steak and chicken and we'd have veggies from the garden and heavy downhome icecream to finish. Then we'd sit on the deck where we'd intermittently pray, sing, retell old stories of our lives and stare at the trees till the trees were no longer there to be watched."

New Show- The Apocalypse of John

THE SERIOUS THEATRE COLLECTIVE PRESENTS

THE APOCALYPSE OF JOHN, A DARK COMEDY

John Darrian, a junior-level advertising associate terrified of everything, is charged with saving the world from aliens, zombies, and Satan himself in a hilarious comedy about the tragic end of all life on Earth.

 The staged reading of The Apocalypse of John will take place at the Parkside Lounge, 317 E. Houston (between Avenues B and C). Four performances only are at 8 p.m. on Saturday, November 5, and Thursday – Saturday, Nov. 10 – 12. Running time is approximately 75 minutes. Tickets are sold at the door, on the night of the performance. All performances are $15; cash only.

  

Written collaboratively by The Serious Theatre Collective, The Apocalypse of John is an absurd look at coming to terms with your worst fears. And zombies.

Underscoring, live music, and soundscape led by Ari Kessler, with Ricardo Delgado and Andrew Hollis. Props, sets, masks, and puppets by Philadelphia-based visual artists Ursula and Norm Stuby.

The Apocalypse of John

What:    

The Apocalypse of John by The Serious Theatre Collective

When: 

Four shows only:

-          Saturday 11/5

-          Thursday 11/10

-          Friday 11/11

-          Saturday 11/12

 All nights: 7:30pm doors, 8pm curtain

Where: 

Parkside Lounge

317 E. Houston (b/t Avenues B and C)

New York, NY 10002

Cost: 

$15 Cash only, tickets sold at the door on day of performance

Facebook: 

www.facebook.com/theserioustheatrecollective

*

Thanks, and a video-gift.

Thanks to everyone who came out to see The Legend of Johnny 15 at the Parkside Lounge this month. It was a great run! And now The Serious Theatre Collective goes back into their writing hole (a.k.a. The Dublin House) to begin work on the next script and upcoming production.

Oh, and in case you were ever wondering how we went about making the dirty Valentines for our Feb. 14th performance (and we know you were), check out the video below. Basically, it was arts, crafts, R&B ... and a lot of awkward groping.

Happy Valentine's Day from the Serious Theatre Collective from Ricardo Delgado on Vimeo.

Interview with Ari Kessler, Musical Director.

Ari takes a break from arranging music and mannying to answer to the STC.

1. Your favorite virtue.
Fearlessness. Something to which I aspire, and frequently fall short, but admire in whoever has more of it than me.

2. Your favorite qualities in a man.
A man should have a robust grasp of Latin, a full moustache, and be able to salt pork and preserve fruits for the coming winter.

3. Your favorite qualities in a woman.
I'm attracted to the uniquely feminine zeal for life that's present in certain ladies. Also, I'm a leg man.

4. What you appreciate most in your friends.
My friends are a bunch of half-wits, degenerates, failed poets and hustlers. They make me feel at home.

5. Your dirtiest secret or detail that you wish to reveal here.
I am actually Hosni Mubarak. Topical!

6. Your idea of happiness.
A serious one, then: my idea of happiness is ownership of a very nice piano, a room or two to put it in, and a fruit tree of some kind.

7. If not yourself, who would you be?
The old Jewish joke: "If I was Baron Rothschild, I'd be richer than he is." "How?" "Simple: I'd do a little teaching on the side."

8. Your ideal meal would consist of... (you may choose an appetizer, a three-course main, a dessert and a beverage.
Mmm, food. Well, let's see: Chips and guac, for starters. Then a whole fried fish (head on) with lime, matzo ball soup, and something made with chickpeas. Dessert must include fresh cherries. If it were my last meal, I would drink a Jamba Juice, but if we're just going to live again tomorrow, then I suppose a glass of whole fresh milk.

9. What is your present state of mind?
Present state of mind is a jumble of nerves, hopes, logistics and a faint yet persistent longing for Chinese food.

10. How many of the 15 fetishes do you have, and to what degree? You may specify.
A gentleman does not kiss and tell. Nor does he handcuff, tickle, don a clown costume, misuse carrots, or confuse house pets and tell.

11. Has doing this play affected your sex life? If so, how?
See above.

12. Your most-listened to tracks on your iPod (or other MP3 player).
iPod says it's "Chocolate Jesus" by Tom Waits, but I think I've spent more time with "Ruby, My Dear" by Monk and Coltrane.

13. Your motto.
Nunquam ubi sub ubi.

Interview with Kirsten Rani Almeida.

Kirsten, who plays the role of The Scanner and lead singer of the band, chills with the STC (Serious Theatre Collective) to answer a few Prousty questions.

1. Your favorite virtue.

Sincerity

2. Your favorite qualities in a man.

Sense of humor

3. Your favorite qualities in a woman.

As long as they're not bitchy :) I like 'em

4. What you appreciate most in your friends.

Support, love, and great conversations

5. Your dirtiest secret or detail that you wish to reveal here.

That I'm doing a show about awesome kinky dirty fetishes and I'm devoted to my lord & savior, Jesus Christ.

6. Your idea of happiness.

Being surrounded people who love me for all my zany quirky goodness

7. If not yourself, who would you be?

A mix between Kelly Clarkson & DJ Lance

8. Your ideal meal would consist of... (you may choose an appetizer, a three-course main, a dessert and a beverage.

A sweet Jersey tomato salad with fresh mozzarella, a big ol' honkin' lobstah with buttah, chocolate creme brûlée, and a whole lotta good white wine! And the more wine!

9. What is your present state of mind?

Holy shit we open tonight (ed note: Kirsten does in fact know the day of the week. She answered this on opening night, Friday Feb 11.)

10. How many of the 15 fetishes do you have, and to what degree? You may specify.

Consider me Rita. I think my OCD keeps me from being kinky and dirty

11. Has doing this play affected your sex life? If so, how?

No

12. Your most-listened to tracks on my iPod (or other MP3 player).

Ummm whatever I'm rehearsing for at the moment so I guess I've been listening to a lot of Nick Sula

13. Your motto.

Life is like a litterbox! when shit happens, cover it up and walk away!

Quiz: Are You a Sexual Deviant?

Think you might be exhibiting signs of one of the Forbidden 15 Fetishes? Afraid you might take a turn for the worse? The MindSpa® is here to help. Take this handy self-examination in order to find out if your mind needs to be cleansed.*

Please answer all of the following to the best of your ability. If you're not sure, follow your impulse. This is the only time you should follow your impulse.

1. In the past, pain has increased or heightened my enjoyment of a sexual encounter.

2. When petting something soft, I sometimes become aroused, comforted, or confused.

3. I find it difficult to pull my eyes away from a girl wearing knee-high socks.

4. I have had sex with more than one person at a time.

5. I have discussed sex with more than one person at a time.

6. The thought of someone "accidentally" walking in on me masturbating or having sex is intriguing.

7. I have given or received a "shrimp job". [def. shrimp job, noun: the act of sucking on toes]

8. I like the smell/sound of leather a little too much.

9. I have eaten a strawberry, or watched someone eat a strawberry, and thought about sex.

10. I excrete waste from my body on a daily basis.

11. I have worn a schoolgirl costume when not going to private school.

12. I have used, purchased, or looked at toys/objects created to heighten or re-create a sexual experience.

13. I have felt romantic love simultaneously with sexual desire.

14. I like fried chicken.

15. I think Al Pacino is still attractive.

If you answered yes to any of the above, you may be a danger to our society. Please contact your local MindSpa® office at 1-877-MindSpa at once. Alternately, write which fetish(es) you have and to what degree (on a 1-10 scale) on our wall, and we will send a helpful MindSpa® professional to deliver you to the nearest facility.

We ensure full health, follow-up care, and True Freedom® -- all after just one visit.

The following are forbidden by law:

1. Sexual Violence: BDSM, all intense sensation, bondage, dominance and submission

2. At-Risk Animal Eroticism: Cosplay, furries

3. Criminal Hedonism: Splotching, food play, feeders

4. Abnormal Exhibitionism: All forms of being watched for pleasure

5. Corporal Objectification: Body parts (e.g., foot fetish), amputee, pregnancy worship

6. Unnatural Bodily Fluid/Material Obsession: Bukkake, all forms of pee/poo, vomit, etc.

7. Illicit Role Play: Clowns, schoolgirls, cops, teachers, plumber, pizza guy, director/audience, playwright/actor, knowledgeable bad girl/surprised and intrigued boy

8. Age Denial: Infantilism, age play

9. Unnecessary Partners: Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, orgies

10. Extreme Objectification: Inanimate objects, blow-up doll, any non-human organic matter

11. Perverse Voyeurism: All forms of watching for pleasure

12. Gender Denial: Cross-dressing, all gender play

13. Deviant Fabric Obsessions: Latex, saran wrap, balloons

14. Hazardous Commitment-Based Humiliation: Any pleasure experienced by breaking a commitment

15. Self-Inflicted Objectification: Being objectified and had sex with by many, anonymous sex

*Fashioned by members of the MindSpa®, purveyors of True Freedom@. Free your mind, and be free.

A drummer, an actor and a musical director walk into a gchat...

Ari Kessler (Musical Director), Chris D'Amato (Wesley), and Ricardo Delgado (Scan Band drummer/Various) get together with the STC to discuss working on a new script, passing the buck, and other fetishy things.

Ari has joined

me: ari you there?

Chris has joined

me: if you got the time, Chris and I are here

Chris: Hello Ari

12:03 PM me: Ari's being a snob. not talking.

so like him.

pfffft

Ari: hey, here i am

me: well well well

looky looky

Ari: my ears are burning, you guys talking about me

me: no, that's the rash

Chris: Haha

12:04 PM Ari: i mighta known...goddamn gingers and their rashes

me: what?!

Chris: HAHAHAHA

me: no, I was talking about YOU and a rash

cripes.

all right, enough LOLing

let's get to business.

since it's the two of you, I think a cool way to do the interview will be more about working on a new script together

12:05 PM musician/actor/etc

plus a bit of sexiness

that sound good?

Chris: Sounds fantastic

Ari: always a sexy time with the death star.

me: true dat, Ari

Chris: Superlasers everywhere baby!

me: is that what you call your thing?

superlaser?

12:06 PM Ari: point to terry

Chris: Hahahaha. I prefer "Destroyer of Alderaan"

me: hahah

true Loling

that is funny. Sort of scary too.

Chris: Well yeah its terrifying

Ari: she feels a great disturbance in the force...

12:07 PM Chris: Thats no moon

me: haha, okay.

I'm gonna herd some cats.

so, thanks for doing the gchat interview, first of all. It's all the rage.

Of course, J15 is a new script --

having been in process since spring of last year,

12:08 PM workshopped/produced in December

with a remount for sexy Valentine's Day

you two have worked together several times before yes?

12:09 PM Ricardo has joined

Chris: That is correct. This would mark our third project together. 4th if you count the last "mounting" (pun intended) of Johnny 15

Ari: yes, true. chris provides the necessary firepower for any and all projects.

12:10 PM me: I see we're still on the deathstar/destroyer tip.

that's all right.

"tip"

Ari: well, it's a big tip.

me: that's what I hear.

from the ladies in the cast.

I mean, what?

Chris: :-)

me: Wanted to welcome Ricardo

.

12:11 PM Ari: really? i don't.

me: Ricardo, our band drummer/ensemble member just joined.

Chris: Hello Ricardo. Welcome

12:12 PM Ricardo: hello people

me: so Chris, what would you say makes working on a new show different from working on an already established script?

This question can actually go to anyone.

But Chris I want to hear your perspective as an actor.

12:14 PM Chris: Working on a new show offers a flexibility and a level of collective creativity that may not exist on an already established show. You have freedom to explore, and unlike a play by like Artur Miller, you have the capability to allow the script/story to grow with the performances

*Arthur

Ari: in my somewhat limited musical theater experience, i've found that working on original scripts is quite liberating, especially from the musical director's chair. much as i enjoy reading what's on the page, it's much more fun to create the page as you go.

me: you both definitely are great creators on-the-spot

12:15 PM Chris: Correct. As an actor I enjoy paying reverence to the playwrights intentions but when you have the playwrights there with you IN THE PROCESS the exploration that occurs is amazing most of the time

me: some of the most fun moments, musically and story-wise (esp for Wesley) have been created in rehearsal.

12:16 PM Ari: e.g. the classical "masturbation" cadenza in "von awesome"

me: yes!

12:17 PM nice use of e.g. as opposed to i.e., Ari.

Chris: (My "correct" was to Ari's statement before not an egotistical self assurance of you telling me Im a great creator. But I thank you nonetheless)

me: I got that, but thanks for clarifying.

Chris, sounds like you feel like Wesley's story got fleshed out along the way?

12:19 PM Chris: Yes. Absolutely. Upon first reading of the script I actually found Wesley QUITE creepy and weird. I thought he was just another "fetishy weirdo" but as we played and explored we found this beautiful true love between Wesley and Valentina that has now made Wesley one of the favorite roles I've ever played. I dont really get romantic parts. Im a character actor generally so this has been nice. And finsing that love and that "pureness" in Wesley has all been in rehearsal exploring. It didnt read for me from the original script

12:20 PM me: yes. Great!

I really do think their relationship is very sweet.

Chris: Love is Wesley's fetish

me: Honest, even.

12:21 PM totally ... what a weirdo!

Kidding.

Chris: Haha yeah! What a crepperrrrrr

12:22 PM me: So Ari (and Ricardo), you guys definitely saw an evolution for the Wesley/Valentina relationship too

their song "Ghost Town" changed long after we started rehearsing

12:23 PM Ari: precisely. we were able to add this classic disney-esque love duet into a song which was originally about a character's remorse, which is a total bummer, man.

12:24 PM me: shucks. It's about remorse, but it's also about devotion.

and the L-word.

*not lesbian

12:25 PM In the Broadway version, you know we have a 50-person choir behind them.

Ari: right, preferably imported from a church in harlem.

me: is there any other kind?

well, yes, but not for our purposes.

Ricardo: I thought ghosttown started off all gospel like from the beginning

12:26 PM well I mean the beginning of rehearsal

me: there was an element of humor to it, initially.

Ricardo: oh yeah

12:27 PM forgot about that

Ari: right, it was originally a power ballad with a comically high screech from the singer

me: yes.

and then the discovery was that playing the truth of the moment was actually more interesting.

Ricardo: right

so what are we talking about? sorry I'm totally in and out of this conversation

12:28 PM me: I've got one more question about the show.

the process, really.

I'm curious -- in a room that is live with ideas as we try to make this new show better

12:29 PM how do you (each of you) figure out which ideas are worth playing with, and which need to be discarded?

I'm asking about your process, I suppose, and how you filter without censoring. Does that make sense?

12:30 PM Ricardo: Short answer: I make everyone do the work for me.

me: obvs, Ricardo.

Ricardo: Long Answer: I just throw out ideas and see what get people interested

Ari: damn, i was gonna say, "we make ricardo do it".

Ricardo: then we go from there

12:31 PM me: haha, seems the buck travels fast in the band.

Ricardo: it's like ordering pizza

12:32 PM Chris: Yes. It makes sense. Its actually easier with a new show than something thats established. When you have the freedom to explore, the choice always gets easier. When you find something that works it clicks and somethign real is felt by everyone and its suddenly like "Yeah... thats how this should be" On that same note its also easier to spot stuff that isnt working and fix it

Ari: i think there's something to be said for the hierarchy of decision-making in a company like ours, especially in this second run of rehearsals; there are tons of ideas flying around, and ultimately the final say-so lies with the directors. so the process really changes with each script, each rehearsal.

12:33 PM me: true. Someone's gotta sift throught the ideas. But to Chris's point it does usually seem like there's a consensus when something works.

It just "feels" right. Agrees with the world.

12:34 PM Ricardo: although for this round, I feel like I have to restrain myself a little more

for time's sake

me: right, that makes sense.

12:35 PM Chris: That is true

But with that said weve done a great job at establishing this universe

me: Speaking (writing) of gchatting, restraint, and other fetishy things...

The next part of the interview turns raunchy, so it will be posted after-hours.

The Serious Theatre Collective: Always looking out for the children.

Interview with Matt Patrick, a.k.a. Jack Gough

On the opening night of The Legend of Johnny 15, playing at 8pm at the Parkside Lounge, we feature a special Proust-ish questionnaire with actor Matt Patrick.

1. Your favorite virtue.
Diligence

2. Your favorite qualities in a man.
As long as you aren't a douche bag, I'm open to being your friend.

3. Your favorite qualities in a woman.
I have a deep respect for all women. Without them, I wouldn't be here. So I guess my favorite qualities in a woman would be their general acceptance of their vital importance to life as we know it, their ability to get what they want, and their ability to get me to tip them more at a bar than I would a guy. That's pretty amazing. I hope to one day harness that power. [ed. note: you never will.]

4. What you appreciate most in your friends.
Honesty, Loyalty, High Drinking Tolerance.

5. Your dirtiest secret or detail that you wish to reveal here.
I peek when I kiss my girlfriend sometimes.

6. Your idea of happiness.
Jameson, Guinness, Shepherd's Pie, Potatoes, Guinness, Jameson, Hot women, bills paid, more Guinness...

7. If not yourself, who would you be?
Robert Downey Jr. or Colin Farrel.

8. Your ideal meal would consist of... (you may choose an appetizer, a three-course main, a dessert and a beverage.
Appetizer: jalapeño poppers, Main: Shepherd's Pie (Meat, Potatoes, vegetables. Bang), Dessert: coffee/espresso/maybe both, Beverage: Guinness/Jameson & Coke. [add. ed. note: regarding your appetizer selection, pending cream cheese-filled, we are officially BFFs.]

9. What is your present state of mind?
Excited.

10. How many of the 15 fetishes do you have, and to what degree? You may specify.
I'm into being bitten and scratched. I think it'd be amazing to have sex with a vampire and be bitten at climax. Scratching is fun too. I also like to bite. Not much of a scratcher, but I do like to grab a girl by the thighs and squeeze a little bit if she's into that.

11. Has doing this play affected your sex life? If so, how? I find myself hornier than usual when I go home after rehearsals.

12. Your most-listened to tracks on my iPod (or other MP3 player).
Honky Tonk Woman - Rolling Stones, Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons, TNT - AC/DC, Runnin' With The Devil - Van Halen.

13. Your motto.
Here's to those who wish me well, and all the rest can go to Hell.

Ladies, he will be at the Parkside Lounge tonight for additional interrogating (but you did see in his interview he specified girlfriend. So hands off.)

How to Get a Guaranteed Valentine this Year.

We're remounting The Legend of Johnny 15 at the Parkside Lounge for Valentine's Day week.

So in addition to performances on Fridays and Saturdays: Feb 11 & 12, 18 & 19 at 8pm (tickets $15), we're also having a special $20 Valentine's Day performance on Monday, February 14 at 8pm (tickets $20), which includes champagne, chocolates and a handmade Valentine written just for you by The Serious Theatre Collective. Because we love you. And we look at your body when you're not looking. But more about that later.

Tickets are sold at the door on the night of the performance only. No advance reservations available, so get there at 7:30.

The Parkside Lounge is located at 317 E. Houston, at Attorney, between Avenues B and C.